For more great resources see:
Topic: Advertising
Question: Do you think that advertising encourages people to buy things
that they don’t want?

In the era of globalization, advertising plays a major role in the competitive business
world. Many industries capitalize on the power of advertising to attract or to win customers
away from their business rivals. The impact of advertising is so huge that it causes many
people to purchase things that they do not want initially. Many people do not realize that while
advertising encourages people to purchase things they do not want to by conveying
misleading ideas and being negatively influential on their decisions, it still provides the avenue
for people to choose wisely in their life.

Firstly, advertising encourages people to buy thing they don’t want to through
misleading ideas. Advertising is proven to be a successful tool to highlight the features of their
product to the public even though the product is deemed undesirable such as cigarettes, drugs,
alcohol and so on. For example, Dunhill, a cigarette company which sponsors many football
teams, seems to be promoting cigarettes to the public. Without the sponsorship, the company
will be less known to the public, resulting in less sales of cigarettes. However, many people
smoke nowadays because they are influenced by the successful advertising even though
smoking is bad for health.

Besides that, advertising has a large impact on the decisions made by the people in
their everyday life. Many businesses use advertising as a form of promotion to create
awareness about their product in the market. A new product needs extensive advertising to
penetrate intothe market, while existing products require advertising to increase the
consumption. For instance, in a fast food industry, the introduction of a new flavour of burger
needs advertising to reach the public while the other burgers require advertising to increase
consumption. Children, especially, are easily influence by the advertisement and will have the
desire to dine at fast food restaurants after that. Although fast food is bad for health, it has

successfully become appealing to the public through successful tactics in advertising.

However, advertising encourages people to make the right choices while purchasing
things that are essential in their daily live. Advertising plays a part in helping consumers to
compare a product in terms of price, quality, reliability and so on. Without advertising, it will
be very difficult for consumers to judge the worthiness of a product. For example,
advertisements initiated by various companies have given the consumers the opportunity to
choose wisely when purchasing an item. Without the power of advertising, consumers will be
stuck to a brand which may not offer the best option.

In conclusion, even though advertising have influenced people to buy things that they
don’t want by providing misleading ideas and influence people into making wrong decisions,
advertising has done people a favour too by helping consumers to choose wisely. Therefore, I
agree that advertising causes consumers to buy things they don’t want to but moderation is
the key when it comes to choosing the right advertisement.

Comments:
Excellent Essay with ambitious vocabulary and very few mistakes.
(Unlikely to have been done in exam time unless the student had
previous knowledge of advertising.)
Rating: IELTS Band 9 Word Count: 490

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For more great resources see:
Topic: Affirmative action
Question: Do you think that people from certain ethnic backgrounds should
be given greater access to education?

Food, water and shelter are basic needs for a human. We need them to keep
ourselves alive. However, nowadays, there is also a need for education to make sure
we can survive on this earth. People need education to become knowledgeable. With
knowledge, we will able to work for our basic needs. As education is essential to
everyone, should people from certain ethic backgrounds be given greater access to
education than the others?

In my opinion, everyone should be given an equal chance to access education as
everyone possesses equal human rights. Discrimination should not be practiced.
Everyone has the right to obtain education and there should not be an unfair
distribution of education.

In addition, giving people from certain ethnic backgrounds greater access to
education will results in wider income gaps between ethnic groups. For ethnic groups

that attain better access to education, they are more knowledgeable than ethnic
groups that do not have the advantage to access to better quality of education. With
more knowledge, they will able to acquire better jobs with higher salaries. Their
income will be greater than the others.

Besides, a country that gives all its ethnic groups even access to education will
have a better image in others countries. When all the ethnic groups get equal access
to education, the country will be more civilized as all of its civilians are educated well.
Hence this will portray a model country whereby, different ethnics groups are able to
excel despite their differences.

In conclusion, everyone has equal rights. Therefore, there should not be
discrimination of ethnic groups where only certain ethnic groups are given greater
access to education. Governments should provide education to all their citizens to
decrease the illiteracy rate in their countries and hence improve the living standards
of their countries.

Comments
Good structure and content let down by a large number of article errors.

Rating: IELTs Band 7.5 Word Count: 339


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For more great resources see:
Topic: Capital Punishment
Question: Do you agree with Capital Punishment?



Nowadays, anti death penalty forces have gained momentum towards
abolishing the death penalty. Capital punishment advocates assert that the death
penalty brings about deterrent effect and contributes in combating crimes. However,
capital punishment should not be imposed on humans as it is cruel and violates
human rights, there are possibilities of wrongful executions and capital punishment
does not deter crimes.

First, I do not agree with capital punishment because of its cruelty and it
violates a human’s right to live. The Death penalty should be prohibited in civilized
society as it is indisputably the most cruel and brutal punishment to exist. Some
argue that criminals deserve the death penalty for committing heinous and
despicable crimes; nevertheless the state-sanctioned killing may actually exacerbate
violence and cause an upsurge in the crime rate.

Apart from that, erroneous executions are likely to happen too. It is
impossible to eliminate the risk of executing innocent people completely. There
might be miscarriages of justice associated with the administration of death penalty
resulting from sketchy witness’s testimony, incompetent defense representation and
police misconduct. Since innocent lives might be shattered due to the reasons above,
capital punishment should not be carried out.

In addition, capital punishment does not deter crimes effectively. Thus, it
should be eradicated in view of the fact that it doesn’t serve its purpose as
efficacious deterrent to crimes. A survey conducted illustrated that non death penalty
states actually had consistently lower murder rates compared to death penalty states.
Furthermore, perpetrators who commit crimes in the heat of passion and possibly
under the influence of drugs or alcohol. In this case, the threat of being put to death
failed in acting as a deterrent as criminals do not even think about the possible
outcome of their actions.


In conclusion, capital punishment should not be practiced. Perhaps
alternatives to it can be taken into consideration. Life imprisonment appears as a
feasible solution. Besides, rehabilitation of criminals is imperative too, instead of just
sending them to gallows. Capital punishment should not be imposed for the
betterment of mankind.


Comments: A good essay with solid points. One or two minor grammar mistakes.

Rating: IELTS Band 8 Word Count: 339

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For more great resources see:
Topic: Careers
Question: People are starting to think that the idea of giving a single career
is an old fashioned one, discuss

People are starting to think that the idea if having a single career is an old fashioned
one, but if you look closely at the issue you may find that it is employers rather than
employees that have shifted the viewpoint.

Originally people had job security and father and son would pass down their jobs to
the next generation, but in the late 1950’s that began to change as there was easier
access to education. This led to children and parents having different careers, when
coupled with events from the industrial revolution and increasing mechanization led
to the increase of large corporations

These large corporations pushed for greater flexibility in the workforce. This allowed
them to ‘hire and fire’ people with greater ease and change their organizations
according to the needs of customers.

To adapt to this new environment people had to learn that a job is NOT for life and
to ensure their employability they needed to not just have one skill, but many.

This in turn led to people talking about the need to retrain and reskill. In my short
career I have held a number of jobs in a number of companies. This would have

been unusual in the 1950’s.

To take the argument further would people choose to do this? Flexibility in skills
unfortunately has not led to greater job security. People are not often given the
chance by a company to retrain rather than be made redundant. In fact the quality
of living has decreased since 1976 in the UK and the amount of stress has increased.

Part of the reason for this is that people are not just expected to do their jobs, but
also to learn new skills, rather than talk of job security we are told of job flexibility.
The reality of this is that people lose their jobs. In 2002 10% of employees at the
company I worked at lost their jobs. So ask me if the idea of a ‘single career’ is old
fashioned and I would say yes, but ask me if I like the idea and I would say no,
because it has also meant the loss of job security and an increase in stress levels.

(Written answer took 25 mins, word count of 368. Band 9 level answer)

For more great resources see:

Topic: Censorship
Sample Question: Do you believe that government should censor the
internet?


It is undoubtedly that internet usage has become crucial nowadays. All people
regardless of age, race, and background are using the internet. The world is
connecting through the internet for including: running a business, shopping, and
even getting education. However, not all the information provided in the internet is
suitable for all internet users. Some of them bring disadvantages to the users
especially children.


The information in the internet is worldwide that all people can access it
easily. There is some inappropriate content especially for children in the internet
such as pornography, gambling and so on. In addition, users especially students and
adults can be cheated if they engage in gambling. Furthermore, the internet provides
computer games, which are the young people’s preferences. They tend to spend a
couples of hours a day on it. As a result, other important work such as schoolwork
and assignments are neglected.

However, the internet has become the medium of sharing ideas on
educational, social, and environmental issues. Such activities can bring benefits in
terms of knowledge as well as the awareness of world issues. The internet also
assists users make their lives easier and faster. For example, the banking facilities
can help users pay their bills in just a minute without queuing up for almost an hour
perhaps.

In conclusion, internet information and services have assisted users in their
daily life. We should manage it in the right way and do not misuse it. In my point of
view, the government should not censor the internet for the people’s sake. On the
other hand, the government should ban inappropriate web pages and encourage the
knowledgeable ones.


Comments: A lot of grammar mistakes and some sentences are difficult to
understand and the conclusion contradicts itself. Also there is no discussion of
censorship in the text, but it appears in the conclusion.

Rating: IELTS Band 5.5 Word Count: 273

Comment [TUC1]:
rephrase


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Contradicto
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For more great resources see:
Topic: Culture
Question: Because of developments in communication and transportation,
countries are becoming more and more alike. How is your country becoming
more similar to other places in the world?

With the advancement of technology today, there is a vast development in
communication and transportation. These developments are becoming more and
more widespread around the world. Indeed, my country, Malaysia is becoming more
and more similar to other places in the world inthe usage of public transport, phone
devices and computers.

The development in transportation such as railway services, sky trains,
flyovers are no longer strange in most of the cities in my country. Due to the
immense development in many cities, people use public transport to travel from
place to place to reduce the amount of traffic in my country. It is also convenient,
easy and cost-effective.

In addition, high technological phone devices like 3G phones, I-phones are
also available in my country. Cell phone outlets are seen everywhere now as
technology savvies in my country too, want to keep up with the latest technology like
citizens in other places in the world. The availability of satellite also enables us to
watch live TV shows held in other countries. Therefore, the knowledge and
information we absorb will not necessarily be lesser than other countries.


The usage of computer is very common in my country. Most teenagers could
not live without a computer as they can easily chat with their friends via Internet.
Furthermore, teachers in smart schools use computer to teach in class, which is quite
similar to some other places in the world. Students are encouraged to use computer
to complete their assignments or to do research online.

In conclusion, my country, Malaysia is becoming more similar to other places
in the world based on the usage of public transports, high technological phone
devices and computers.

Comments:
A good essay that could be improved with the greater use of linkers to encourage
better continuity. Be careful with uncountable nouns.

Rating: IELTS Band 7.5 Word Count: 280

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For more great resources see:
Topic: Children
Question: What rights do you believe children should have?

In the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, every member of the human race
is entitled to “dignity” which implies that every person has the right to be respected.
Although children are synonym as an offspring that are yet to be mature enough to
understand the significance of decorum, their rights should be given a priority by the
community. For instance, the African government proclaimed that childhood
elucidates to a “special care and assistance”. In my book, it is crucial for a child to
have the right to live, the right to be protected, as well as the right to obtain an
omniscient development.
Children should be subsidized with the basic necessities such as inadequate food
supply, the provision of appropriate asylum, and the establishment of a proper
healthcare system. Unlike the animal kingdom, where lionesses abandon their cubs
to the survival of the fittest, an evergreen child should be equipped with sufficient
amount of nutrients and care from their parents in order to sustain their life,
Furthermore, ample protection should be given to these small creatures as they
often tend to be the victim of being bullied or harassed. A study conducted in the
University of Reading corroborates that almost 70% of the students being
traumatized by the impudence act performed on them, poses a bad memory power.
Lastly, an equal allocation of knowledge is vital to thwart the minorities or a certain
ethnic groups from being deprived by the intellectual society. Therefore, it is
paramount for the government to establish an omniscient education system as the
children do have the rights to acquire a pool of knowledge without any restrictions.
To sum up, a holistic approach is needed to remedy such compound and
cumulative violations of the children’s rights.



Comments: A lot of ambitious vocabulary used with mixed results. However the
basic structure is sound and the arguments lucid.
Rating: IELTS Band 7 Word Count: 279

Comment [JA1]:
Word Choice

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For more great resources see:
Topic: Drunk Driving
Question: Do you think that it is wrong for people to drink alcohol and then
drive? Do you think they should be punished?
It is sad but true that the number of road accidents is increasing nowadays and
the statistic keeps rising. Many innocent people die on the roads every day. It is not a
new thing for us anymore. One of the major reasons that lead to road accidents would
be drinking and driving. That is definitely wrong for those who drink alcohol and then
drive and they should be punished.
First of all, they are wrong in doing so because they are not responsible. People
who drink and then drive are not concerned about other people’s safety. Those who are
drunk are unable to drive with a clear mind. For example, they may think that they are
driving in the correct lane but actually they are not. Such action are more than enough
to put other drivers in danger.
Secondly, this is such an irresponsible activity because they do not appreciate
precious life. Those who are drunk cannot access or react quickly to any bad situation
that suddenly arises on the roads such as bad roads conditions and so on. Obviously, all
of us can see what the outcome can be. One car crash with another one as well as the
drivers may simply lose their life in a blink of an eye.
In this case, the government has an important role to play. Since drunk drivers
are a very great danger to themselves and to other road-users, therefore they should be
punished. One way to do this is through law enforcement. The authorities may fine them
heavily and give them mandatory jail sentences. The fine may become a burden for
them and they dare not break the law when driving on the roads.

Once again, government intervention is necessary in this case. Another way that
can be carried out by the government would be to suspend their licenses for a certain
period. Driving is an essential activity for some people. Therefore, such a punishment is
very helpful in making the people aware of road safety because they are not willing to let
their licenses be suspended for such a long time.
In short, it is absolutely wrong for people to drink alcohol and then drive. So,
they themselves must hold the responsibility by receiving the punishment according to
the law.

Comments: This assignment has a clear structure and good ideas, but it has many
mistakes some of which make it difficult to understand in places.
Rating: IELTS Band 5.5 Word Count: 380

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For more great resources see:

Topic: Education
Question: It is right that college graduates earn higher salaries than the
less well-educated in the community, but they should also pay the full cost
of their study. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The discussion about the earning power of college graduates and the less educated
community is an endless one. The question arises whether college graduates should
earn higher salaries compared to those who do not undergo tertiary education. I am
most inclined to agree college graduates should earn higher salaries because college
graduates are more mentally developed, flexible and in need of the financial
imbursement.


Firstly, college graduates are better off in knowledge wise and application. The
chance to study in college provides them with the basic foundation before entering
the working world. For example, certain courses such as dentistry and engineering
require qualified certificates in order for graduates to practise their skills. These
courses necessitate knowledge, application and a lot of practice for the graduates to
grasp before stepping to the working world and the less educated do not have the
knowledge to perform the task. Furthermore, college graduates are nurtured to be
critical thinkers. Critical thinking is crucial to college graduates as the working life is
very challenging and critical thinking is often the X factor that will bring the
graduates to rise to the top of their arena.

Moreover, college graduates have the flexibility and determination to
accommodate the demands of the job. More often than not, the jobs that are
available in the market are very much different from what they perceived, but
college graduates are more adaptable as they are given training related to their work
prior to graduating and the quality of being flexibility is not often found among the
less educated. Besides, the coursework in college is designed to mould students to
be more determined. Tenacious graduates are sometimes the best workers of all as
they perform their level best in everything they do. These are the reasons college
graduates deserve higher salaries.

Finally, college students should not pay the full cost of their study. The reason lies
on the stress that poor students have to endure. Education should be made free for
all as education is a stepping stone towards a civilized and developed society. By
providing free education, everyone has an equal opportunity to pursue tertiary
education. Besides, college graduates can opt for loan and scholarship to help lessen
the financial burden. Paying the full cost is unbearable for certain families who face
financial constraints. An intelligent student who is not offered a chance to go to
college is just a waste to a country.


In conclusion, college graduates should be earning higher salaries. They have the
qualifications, skills and determination to help the company they work for to be more
efficient and productive, but the contribution of the less well educated should also be
recognised to ensure there is not a major income gap too.


Comments: Excellent Essa
y with ambitious vocabulary with relatively few mistakes
Rating: IELTS Band 8 Word Count: 454

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Word choice

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For more great resources see:
Topic: Gender Issues
Question: Do you believe that men and women are equal?

Half a century ago, the concept of gender equality was not recognized by
society due to the traditional perception that men should have more power than
women in every aspect of life. However, this changed when the idea of women’s
liberation occurred in the early 1960s to achieve the concept of gender equality in
various aspects such as education, employment and politics. Therefore, it is believed
that men and women are equal in today’s society.

It is deemed that men and women are given equal opportunities in gaining
education nowadays. In the past, women were restricted from being educated but
this condition has been altered as the statement on only men can be educated is no
longer relevant today. This can be proven from the fact that as many women as men
have completed college education and most of them have successfully obtained
professional and master degrees.

Furthermore, men and women are also believed to have equal treatment in
working places. Historically, women are paid an average of 74 cents for every dollar
earned by men. However, since the introduction of Equal Pay Act, women are paid
equally for equal jobs. As a consequence, it can be said that both sexes are equal.

Additionally, I also believe that men and women are equal in aspects of
politics. It is because some of the significant positions in politics are constituted by
women and as many women as men have been given the chance to participate in

political issues. Furthermore, the perception that men must be the king or leader of
the country is obsolete. It is because the idea of gender equality has given chances
for women to actively take part in current politics. For example, there is news that
the future leader of Japan might be a woman.

In conclusion, I trust that women and men are equal in various aspects such
as in education, employment and politics. Women should be given the opportunities
to act as what men did due to the achievement of the concept of gender equality and
in my opinion, women are equal to men.


Comments
This assignment has some good ideas, but it also has some irrelevant material and it
is difficult to understand some sentences. Time spent on the extra words in this
assignment would have been better spent on improving grammatical accuracy and
making sure points are clearly conveyed.

Rating: IELTs Band 6 Word Count: 349

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This part of
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I don’t
understand this sentence

For more great resources see:
Topic: Genetic Research
Question: Do you believe that scientists have the right to do genetic
research?

It is generally known that genetic research is a big improvement in medical
fields. However, many ethical issues were brought about along with the development
in genetic research. The conventional argument done by the conservative group
which opposed the idea of genetic research is inequality and a lack of respect for
God. When genetic research was developed, who who should benefit? Besides that,

this research apparently altered the invention of God with the purpose of making
things perfect. Nevertheless, scientists do have the right to do genetic research
because this research had benefited human welfare and overcame food shortages.

First of all, genetic research has benefited human beings in terms of welfare
by providing vaccines Certain tissues or sells in microorganisms were extracted and
altered in order to suit human being’s so that it can be used as a cure for certain
diseases. For example, bacteria was modified genetically to be used as a cure for
certain viruses. In addition, genetic research also contributes in terms of overcoming
the problem of genetic illnesses. For example, heart attack was deemed to be able to
be carried to the next generation from the previous. Therefore, genetic research can
modify the genes to prevent this from happening. Besides that, incompatible genes
often occurs in the donation of organs. However, with genetic research, this problem
can be overcome because the genes can be modified to reduce or even totally
eliminate the rejection of the donated organ by the organ receiver.

It is also true that genetic research can solve one of the major problems in
the world which is the food shortage problem. This is due to the ability of genetic
research to modify the genes of animals and also plantations to improve the quality
and quantity of these important food supplies for human beings. The genetic
modified food has come out as the most important food supply in certain countries.
For example, fruits crops’ genes can be modified by combining two crops with
different good quality to produce a better quality genetic modified crop. These crops
normally have high resistance towards exorbitant weather; provide sweeter and
nicer tasting fruits. Besides that, animals such as sheep can also be modified
genetically to produce better quality meat and provide more milk. Therefore, it can
be said that the problem of shortage of food can be overcome since that these
genetic modified food are able to yield more food supplies for the world.

Lastly, genetic research is essential in line with the improvement in

technology. Since the increase in world population had brought about many
problems such as shortage of food and increase of patients in the world, genetic
research is one of the ways that can be used to solve this problem. Scientists should
have the right to conduct genetic research.

Comments: There are a lot of minor grammar mistakes in this assignment, which
will hurt the mark. Time spent on extra words could have been used for checking
grammar. There also is not a clear divide between introduction, main body and
conclusion.
Rating: IELTS Band 6 Word Count: 499

Comment [TUC1]:
rephrase

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rephrase

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This should
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rather than your conclusion


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For more great resources see:
Topic: Gun Control
Subject: Do you think that people should have the right to have a gun in their
house?
Guns were invented in the 17
th
century. Guns have been used frequently by
people especially for security purpose, hunting and other purposes as well. However in
this globalized society, there are many controversies over guns issues and so some
countries have taken action to ban of owning a gun in their house.
Hence, do we have the right to possess a gun in the house? Obviously there are
pros and cons of having a gun in the house. Guns are an essential tool for the hunters to
hunt for animals or endanger species. Besides, guns can be used by the authorities such
as the police and soldiers in order to protect citizens from harm or danger. They have
the right to kill people under these circumstances
However, some people might misuse the guns if everyone is allowed to have a
gun in their house. For instance, teenagers who have strong curiosity might want to use
the guns for playing purpose. Nevertheless, they are not aware of the danger that they
are facing. Thus, this kind of action could lead to their death if they accidentally press
the trigger and injure or kill someone who is innocent. Apart from that, there are some
people who might use guns to do illegal activities such as killing and threatening people
which are against the laws. Moreover, children might think the gun that is located in the
house is a toy as shown in cartoon movies which could cause an accident if the gun is
loaded with bullets.
In conclusion, I think that people should not have the right to have a gun in their

house due to the possibilities of accidents that could happen. There might be some
exceptions for different categories of people such as the police. In addition, parents
should take responsibility to educate their children about the dangers of a real gun which
is different from toys.

Comments:
There is some confusion over the tenses in this assignment and in parts the language is
a little too upbeat for the seriousness of the topic. Again time spent on the extra words
should have been focused on grammar corrections.
Rating: IELTS band 5.5 Word Count: 317


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globalization
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rephrase

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rephrase

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Not
needed


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For more great resources see:
Topic: Language
Question: Do you think it is important to preserve local languages and
dialects?

Languages and dialects are verbal communication for human beings.
Nowadays, too much concentration is going to English language and there is no
stressing for local languages. It results in some of the local languages and dialects
losing popularity. In fact, it is important to preserve local languages and dialects for
several reasons: to uphold the ethnics’ cultural and historical background and it
represents an identity.


Firstly, we need to preserve our own local languages and dialects because we
need to maintain our ethnics’ cultural and historical background. In actual fact, our
own local languages and dialects are part of our culture and they give us the details
about the development of our own ethnic. For example, Mandarin is the mother
tongue for most of Chinese but some of Chinese can also speak several dialects such
as Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka and others. Mandarin is the common language for
most of the Chinese in Asia Pacific. They feel comfortable when they meet together
as they share the same culture and historical background.

Apart from that, one of the reasons for us to preserve local languages and
dialects is that they represent the identity for an ethnicity. Speaking in our own
languages signifies that we are feeling very proud of being part of the ethnic because
this is up to the strength, power and determination of individuals to keep languages
alive. For instances, speaking Japanese is already becoming one of the icons of being
Japanese. The moment they speak in Japanese, we can soon characterize them as
Japanese. They are so proud of their language. Their pride in speaking Japanese
makes it so popular.

In conclusion, it’s essential for us to carry out efforts to preserve the
languages and dialects for sustaining the number of ethnicity in the world and to
form our own identity. Keeping a language alive and useful is paramount to its
survival. One language that has survived and is expected to remain strong. Don’t
wait it to become a dead language. When it’s gone, it is gone forever.

Comments
There are some good points in this assignment and a good structure. However
there are some confusing phrases and words in here. Also be aware that your
examiner is likely to be an advocate of English and you should not try to offend
them, it may affect your mark.

Rating: 6.5 Word Count: 339

Comment [TUC1]:
Are you
sure you want to say this to an
English teacher? May cause
offence
Comment [TUC2]:
rephrase
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are moving in the
negative direction form
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importance
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due to
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Word
choice
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Word
choice
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s
Comment [TUC5]:
wrong
word
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the
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where
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the
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Word
choice
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Word
choice
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Comment [TUC8]:
rephrase

Comment [TUC9]:
word
choice

For more great resources see:
Topic: Parenting
Question: Parents should limit children’s time watching TV and playing computer
games, others insist children should spend time reading books, do you agree or
disagree?
What are the leisure activities for children nowadays? Without a doubt, most children like to
spend their free time in front of a square box; either watching their favorite television programs or
playing computer games. This is mainly because of the attractive living-colored pictures on the screen
in addition to the loud, silly and funny sounding voices. Though they may love it, parents should limit
their children’s time watching TV and playing computer games due to the bad effects upon their
children. In contrast, they should encourage their children to read books.

Today’s TV programs and computer games are often fit with violent behavior such as abuse,
kidnap, murder, fights and so on for commercial purposes. Children who view these events are likely
to believe that the world is scary and something bad will happen to them. This fear is simply caused
by the inability of children to tell the difference between the fantasies presented on the TV and the
reality. Besides, children may also imitate the bad behaviors and attitudes shown through the TV
programs. Therefore, children should be discouraged from watching TV and playing computer games.
Meanwhile, watching TV and playing games are said to be unhealthy Based on research, the
obesity level has increased among children because they are inactive while watching TV and playing
games as they do not exercise or play outdoor games. Moreover, fast food and junk food
advertisements such as soft drinks which are shown in TV also influence children to consume them
and similarly leads to obesity due to high cholesterol and sugar level.
Conversely, parents should encourage their children to read more books for it is benefiting. In
fact, reading can increase the ability of children in understanding new subjects and information.
Reading out loud also exposes children to proper grammar, phrasing and language skills. On top of
that, reading books can also allow children to enlarge their knowledge of factural information, learn
more about the world and increase their understanding of humanity. All these positive influences from
the right books support parents to insist their children to read books instead of watching TV or playing
computer games.
In conclusion, parents should insist their children read books instead of watching TV or playing
computer games. Accordingly, parents can actually set up a schedule for their children to ensure that
they spend their leisure time in the right way by reading books and have a limited time to watch TV
and play computer games. This could indirectly discipline their children too.
Comments: A good essay with some interesting points and good vocabulary usage.
Time spent on extra words could have been invested in improving accuracy. There
are a lot of article mistakes, mistakes associated with gerunds and some odd phrase.

Rating: IELTS Band 6 Word Count: 435

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rephrase

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Rephrase

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rephrase

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rephrase

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For more great resources see:
Topic: The Environment
Question: Do you think that it is right for rich countries to pollute the
environment?

The environmental crisis has arisen at an alarming level since the industrial
revolution. Land and water have been contaminated and caused harm to living
organisms as well as the environment. Acid rain, green house effect, global warming
and ozone depletion are common terms that we have heard and will eventually cause
the earth to no longer be a safe place to live in.

Rich countries such as The United States and Australia are responsible for
seven out of every 10 tons of carbon dioxide emitted since the industrial revolution.
Other green house gases such as methane and nitrous oxide also contribute to the
heat-trapping condition and result in global warming where the average temperature
increases. Green house gases are emitted mainly due to human activities such as
burning fossil fuels. Consequently, flooding and drought will happen and people
around the world will suffer from their acts.


Besides, the soil pollution it is also an undesirable outcome when rich
countries deprive people of lands for agricultural purpose. Herbicides and pesticides
are used to maximize the production to export their products regardless of the
impact towards the environment. The chemical substances will leave the soil acidic,
the clearing of forest due to agricultural development will also cause animals to lose
natural habitats.

In addition, some developed countries have transferred their industries to
other rural countries to lower their production costs. It causes pollution in that
particular country and they have not taken the responsibility to fix the situation. As a
result, the rich consume and the poor suffer the pollution.

In conclusion, it is not right for rich countries to pollute the environment in
order to achieve economic growth. Actions have to be taken to slower down the
impacts towards environment and human.

Comments
Some very ambitious vocabulary attempted in this assignment. A number of small
grammatical mistakes, but they do not hinder understanding.

Rating: IELTS band 8 Word Count: 291

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to
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that

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production

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an
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For more great resources see:

Topic: Sport / Health
Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time
practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.


Nowadays, more and more children start to pick up sports such as football,
badminton and squash. Besides that, some even spend a great amount of time
practicing sports. Sports seem to be the best way to promote health besides helping
the children to fill their leisure time. However, children that spend too much time in
sports may neglect their studies and affect their family’s bond.

Children that spend time on sports not only keep their bodies healthy but at

the same time build a strong body. Children who spend too much time studying and
spend less on sports may obtain a very good result in academic studies but not in
sports. Besides that, they are vulnerable against illnesses as their bodies are
relatively weak.

Furthermore, sports help children to make full use of their time. By spending
most of their time on sports, children may not have enough time to spend on other
bad activities such as illegal racing, smoking and drugs which will eventually spoil
their future.

However, children that spend too much time on sports may face a negative
effect on their studies. This is because by spending too much time on sports, they
may not have enough time to study. Even if they want to study, their exhausted
body may not allow them to do so. This will eventually cause their academic
performance to decline.

Besides that the relationship between children and their family members will
be affected. This is because most of their time were spend on the sports and they
have no time to spend with their family as their remaining time are used on doing
their homework and studies.

In conclusion, sports do give advantages to children as it helps preserve their
health besides ensuring their times were fully utilized. However, children should not
be encouraged to spend too much time on sports as this will affect their studies and
family’s relationship.

Comments: Good quality points and nice clean grammar. This could be improved
by better linkers, continuity and more ambitious vocabulary.

Rating: 7.5 Word Count: 319



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of
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Comment [TUC1]:
Think
about this linker
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For more great resources see:
Topic: Poverty
Question: Do you think that rich countries have a duty to stop starvation in
the third world.

Generally, starvation is a severe reduction in vitamin, nutrient and energy intake
and is the most extreme form of malnutrition. As we all know, almost all of the third
world countries face this serious problem due to low economic growth and inefficient
politics in their countries. Unlike citizens in first world countries that can enjoy life or
at least have a normal life, people in third world countries have to suffer all the time
and live in misery. In my opinion, I think that the rich countries have a duty to stop
starvation in the third world countries because rich countries are the only ones who

have money to save lives, they should advocate the spirit of humanity upon the earth
and spread the warmth of love among the people.

Obviously, being the only ones that have the ability in terms of money, rich
countries should take responsibility to stop the starvation. The main reason that third
world countries are suffering from the starvation is they lack money to take care of
their citizens’ needs. Rich countries such as the United States, England and Canada
have sufficient capital to give funds to those third world countries to solve their
problems and save thousands of lives easily. Besides that, these rich countries should
also lend a hand to third world countries in terms of medicine or food supplies.

Secondly, rich countries should promote the spirit of humanity upon the earth by
giving help to stop the starvation. When rich countries take the first step to be the
liberator of third world countries, the spirit of helpful will be spread. Then, other
countries will feel good and follow them to give help in order to get rid of starvation
problems. Eventually, the whole world can work hand in hand to eliminate starvation
problems in third world countries which do not brings any benefit to us.

Also, rich countries have a duty to stop starvation to spread the warmth of love
among the people. It is certainly true that poverty can drive people in to crime. Since
they are hungry, they will try any way to get food. For instance, there is a high
possibility for them to steal or rob. By giving help to them, they will feel that
somewhere in the world there are still have people who care and are concerned about
them. Thus, they will become stronger and have hopes to continue their life.

In conclusion, I think that rich countries have a duty to stop starvation in third
world countries because rich countries are the only ones who have money to save the
lives, they should advocate the spirit of humanity upon the earth and to spread the
warmth of love among the people. So, all the rich countries and also the other states
that have the ability to help should work together in solving the starvation problems

for the sake of world peace.

Comments: A lot of repetition in this assignment and quite a number of mistakes
some of which make it difficult to understand. Time spent on more words would have
been better spent improving grammatical accuracy. Other arguments that could be
included: Difficult to give money to dictatorships, governments who would not give
the food directly to the people, war zones and natural famines.
Rating: IELTS Band 6 Word Count: 486


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that rich countries have,
they for sure have the duty
to stop the starvation.
¶
Comment [JA1]:
Word
choice
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For more great resources see:

Topic: Technology
Question: It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures
must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible – you cannot have

both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Undeniably, technological advancement has rapidly eroded traditional culture
we inherited from our ancestors. Traditional games, musical instruments,
performances and celebrations are given less and less attention in this era of
globalization.

To illustrate, traditional games such as kites and tops have given way to the
new, modern and sophisticated video games. Children nowadays are more interested
in playing video games rather than traditional games which they deem old-fashioned.
Apart from this, traditional musical instruments such as banjos are being replaced by
new innovations such as pianos and electric guitars.

In addition, the number of traditional performances organized such as the
Chinese Opera have also been decimated over the past few decades. This is mainly
due to creation of idiot boxes which broadcast a variety of TV shows, making
traditional performances pale in comparison with all the comedies and soap operas
broadcasted.

Indeed, traditional culture is slowly being wiped out by the strong current of
technology. However, both of them are not mutually incompatible. In other words,
both of them can exist together. Concrete steps can be taken in order to bring these
forgotten traditional cultures back into our society. One way of doing this is to
educate our younger generation on our traditional cultures. Traditional games can be
introduced as a kind of sports in schools. Parents also play a major role in educating
their children to appreciate traditions which have been passed down from generation
to generation. Traditional performances and the use of traditional musical
instruments can be revived through the promotion by the media.

In conclusion, the strong current of technological advancement has indeed

washed out some of our traditions; nevertheless, both of them are not mutually
incompatible. We can preserve our treasured traditions which reflect our origins and
roots but at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilization of
technology.


Comments: An excellent piece of work with great points and very few mistakes.
Rating: IELTS Band 9 Word Count: 310


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the
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on the importance

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the
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For more great resources see:
Topic: Traffic
Question: How would you reduce traffic congestion in your hometown?
Kuala Lumpur is the capital city of Malaysia and my hometown. It is located
within the urban limit and is well-equipped with modern infrastructure. It has many up-
to-date facilities that caters to the needs of all and sundry. It is also the center of
economic and social development. However, traffic in cities is a major problem due to its

large population. Traffic problems are mainly due to individuals travelling for work, study
or shopping purposes. This is obvious especially in the rush hours we experience every
morning and evening. It can be very annoying and irritating when we are stuck in traffic
jams for few hours long. As such, in order to reduce traffic congestion, we should
consider alternatives such as car-pooling and using public transport.
To start with, this is true that today the number of vehicles on the roads in the
cities has increased tremendously. Traffic congestion is very common due to the huge
number of vehicles and lack of highways in cities. Thus, to cut down the traffic in the
cities, car-pooling plays a crucial role. For instance, car-pooling can be carried out
through the sharing of cars with colleagues or friends to travel to workplaces or schools
instead of driving on their own.
Besides, using public transport is another alternative we should seriously
consider to reduce the number of motor vehicles on the road. There is always a wide
range of public transport available in the cities such as taxi, bus, subways and so on. To
avoid being stuck in traffic jams, public transport is the best option as it is very
convenient and affordable to everyone in the cities.
In conclusion, car-pooling and using public transport should be taken into
consideration. Every little action on our part can go a long way to help reduce traffic
congestion in the city. Whatever we do serves as an example to others. If we all get
together and make an effort, we can make a big difference.

Comments: A good essay with solid points. A number of tense errors and one or
two sentences that were difficult to understand. Time spent on extra words could
have been invested in better grammar checking.
Rating: IELTS Band 6 Word Count: 329


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rephrase

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annoyed
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rephrase

Comment [TUC3]:
rephrase

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