Commercial
correspondence

Vũ Thị Diễm Phúc
Khoa Tiếng Anh Thương Mại


2

CONTENT AND STYLE


Parts of a Business Letter


The next four slides illustrate
basic information on proper
placement and formatting of
business letters.




2 inches from top or
1 blank line below
letterhead
2 – 10 lines between
dateline and inside
address
1 blank line (double
space)

1 blank line (double
space)
Single-space paragraphs; leave 1 blank
line (double space)
between paragraphs


1 blank line (double
space)
Hit ENTER four times
after complimentary
close to allow space
for signature
1 blank line (double
space)


Disorganized message
Consider the following letter from Jill
Saunders, the office manager at Boswell &
Son, mapmakers


Disorganized message
Our president, Mr. Boswell, was in an accident last year, and he
hasn’t been able to work full-time. His absence has affected our
business, so we don’t have the budget we used to. His two sons are
working hard, so we aren’t bankrupt by any means, and soon Mr.
Boswell will be coming back full-time.
Boswell & Sons has been doing business with Computer Time since I

was hired six years ago. Your building was smaller then, and it was
located on the corner of Federal Avenue and 2nd N.W. Mr. Boswell
bought our first laser printer there. I still remember the day. It was
the biggest check I’d ever written. Of course, over the years, I’ve
gotten used to larger purchases.
We have seven employees. Although all of them aren’t directly
involved in producing the maps we sell, they all need to have their
computers working so that they can do their jobs. The CD-ROM drive
we bought for my assistant, Suzanne, has been a problem. We’ve
taken it in for repairs three times in three months to the authorized
service center, and Suzanne is very careful with the machine and
hasn’t abuse it. She likes playing interactive adventure games on
lunch breaks. It still doesn’t work right, and she’s tired of hauling it
back and forth. We’re all putting in longer hours to make up for Mr.
Boswell’s not being here, and none of us has a lot of spare time.
This is the first time we’ve returned anything to your store, and I
hope you’ll agree that we deserve a better deal.


Including irrelevant
material

What’s wrong?

Taking too long to
get to the point

Our president, Mr. Boswell, was in an accident last year, and he
hasn’t been able to work full-time. His absence has affected our
business, so we don’t have the budget we used to. His two sons are

working hard, so we aren’t bankrupt by any means, and soon Mr.
Boswell will be coming back full-time.
Boswell & Sons has been doing business with Computer Time since I
was hired six years ago. Your building was smaller then, and it was
located on the corner of Federal Avenue and 2nd N.W. Mr. Boswell
bought our first laser printer there. I still remember the day. It was
the biggest check I’d ever written. Of course, over the years, I’ve
gotten used to larger purchases.
We have seven employees. Although all of them aren’t directly
involved in producing the maps we sell, they all need to have their
computers working so that they can do their jobs. The CD-ROM drive
we bought for my assistant, Suzanne, has been a problem. We’ve
taken it in for repairs three times in three months to the authorized
service center, and Suzanne is very careful with the machine and
hasn’t abuse it. She likes playing interactive adventure games on
lunch breaks. It still doesn’t work right, and she’s tired of hauling it
back and forth. We’re all putting in longer hours to make up for Mr.
Boswell’s not being here, and none of us has a lot of spare time.

Getting ideas
Leaving out necessary
This is the first time we’ve returned anything to your store, and I
mixed uphope you’ll agree that we deserve a better deal.
information


WHAT GOOD
ORGANIZATION MEANS?



Example
Dear (Customer Service Representative)
Boswell & Sons bought an Olympic Systems, Model PRS-2, CD-ROM drive from your store on
November 15, 1999, during your pre-Christmas sale, when it was marked down to $199.95. We
didn’t use the unit until January, because it was bought for my assistant, who unexpectedly took
six weeks’ leave from mid November through December. You can imagine her frustration when
she first tried using it and it didn’t work.
In January, we took the drive to the authorized service center and were assured that the problem
was merely a loose connection. The service representative fixed the drive, but in April we had to
have it fixed again-another loose connection. For the next three months, the drive worked
reasonably well, although the response time was occasionally slow. Two months ago, the drive
stopped working again. Once more, the service representative blamed a loose connection and
made the repair. Although the drive is working now, it isn’t working very well. The response
time is still slow, and the motor seems to drag sometimes.
What is your policy on exchanging unsatisfactory merchandise? Although all the repairs have
been relatively minor and have been covered by the one-year warranty, we are not satisfy with
the drive. We would like to exchange it for a similar model from another manufacturer. If the
new drive costs more than the old one, we will pay the difference, even though we generally look
for equipment with heavy business discounts.
Boswell & Sons has done business with your store for six years and until now has always been
satisfied with your merchandise. We are counting on you to live up to your reputation for
standing behind your products. Please let us hear from you soon.
Yours sincerely
Jill Saunders


Example

Clearly states the
purpose of this letter


Dear (Customer Service Representative)
Boswell & Sons bought an Olympic Systems, Model PRS-2, CD-ROM drive from your store on
November 15, 1999, during your pre-Christmas sale, when it was marked down to $199.95. We
didn’t use the unit until January, because it was bought for my assistant, who unexpectedly took six
weeks’ leave from mid November through December. You can imagine her frustration when she
first tried using it and it didn’t work.
In January, we took the drive to the authorized service center and were assured that the problem
was merely a loose connection. The service representative fixed the drive, but in April we had to
have it fixed again-another loose connection. For the next three months, the drive worked
reasonably well, although the response time was occasionally slow. Two months ago, the drive
stopped working again. Once more, the service representative blamed a loose connection and made
the repair. Although the drive is working now, it isn’t working very well. The response time is still
slow, and the motor seems to drag sometimes.

Explains the situation,
includes no irrelevant
information, ideas are
presented logically


Example
Dear (Customer Service Representative)
Boswell & Sons bought an Olympic Systems, Model PRS-2, CD-ROM drive from your store on
November 15, 1999, during your pre-Christmas sale, when it was marked down to $199.95. We
didn’t use the unit until January, because it was bought for my assistant, who unexpectedly took
six weeks’ leave from mid November through December. You can imagine her frustration when
she first tried using it and it didn’t work.
In January, we took the drive to the authorized service center and were assured that the problem
was merely a loose connection. The service representative fixed the drive, but in April we had to

have it fixed again-another loose connection. For the next three months, the drive worked
reasonably well, although the response time was occasionally slow. Two months ago, the drive
stopped working again. Once more, the service representative blamed a loose connection and
made the repair. Although the drive is working now, it isn’t working very well. The response
time is still slow, and the motor seems to drag sometimes.
What is your policy on exchanging unsatisfactory merchandise? Although all the repairs have
been relatively minor and have been covered by the one-year warranty, we are not satisfy with
the drive. We would like to exchange it for a similar model from another manufacturer. If the
new drive costs more than the old one, we will pay the difference, even though we generally look
for equipment with heavy business discounts.
Boswell & Sons has done business with your store for six years and until now has always been
satisfied with your merchandise. We are counting on you to live up to your reputation for
standing behind your products. Please let us hear from you soon.
States what
adjustment
is
Includes
all
the
Yours sincerely
being requested

necessary information

Jill Saunders


What good organization
means



Most disorganized communication
suffers from problems with content,
grouping, or sequence



A message is well organized when all
the pieces fit together in a coherent
pattern
 Right
 In

amount of information

the right order


WHY GOOD
ORGANIZATION IS
IMPORTANT?


Why good organization?
Help you compose your messages more
quickly and efficiently
 Help your audience understand your
message
 Help your audience accept your
message

 Save your audience time



HOW GOOD
ORGANIZATION IS
ACHIEVED?


Planning
Note down everything you want to
include before writing


all necessary information



relevant information



in the right order


First paragraph








Thank your correspondent for their
letter (if replying to an enquiry)
Introduce yourself and company if
necessary
State the subject of the letter
Set out its purpose


First paragraph
Two good examples


Thank you for your enquiry dated 8 July in which
you asked us about our range of cosmetics. As you
probably know from our advertising, we appeal to
a wide age group from the teenage market
through to more mature women, and our products
are retailed in leading stores throughout the world.



Thank you for your letter of 19 August, which I
received today. We can certainly supply you with
the industrial floor coverings you asked about.
Enclosed you will find a catalogue illustrating our
wide range of products currently used in factories
and offices throughout the world.



Middle paragraph


Main part of the letter
 Points

to be made
 Answers you wish to give
 Questions you wish to ask


Points are made clearly, fully, in a
logical sequence


Final paragraph


Thank your correspondent for writing



Encourage further enquiries or
correspondence



Restate one or two of the most

important points you made in the
main part.


Style and language




Style is the way you use strong and
lively words or phrases to achieve a
certain tone or overall impression
Style must be clear, concise and
grammatically correct


Style and language


Simplicity
 Avoid

obsolete and pompous language
 Use a conversational tone
Eg:

accompany, furthermore (pompous language)
go with and in addition (conversational
language)


 Use



plain English

Courtesy